Can Pigs Actually Fly?
Actually pigs just might fly. No joke. If a cow can jump over the moon there is no reason that a pig can’t fly.
Here is what we already know. Pigs have great power and speed in taking off. You can judge this for yourself just by watching the next time a farmer takes a bucket of pig food down to the pig trough. As soon as he bangs on the bucket and hollers a loud “S00-eee, Soo – eee, you will see the whole herd of pigs come barreling up to the pig trough for that food. I told you they had both power and speed, didn’t I? They show their speed in trying to get there first and if they didn’t get their first they show their power by pushing those “first comers” out of the way. So, we can see from this that they have both power and speed. They are almost ready for takeoff.
Next, we have to work on their wings but this will be super easy. Let me explain this by using the Doberman Pincher as an example. Many people say that a “true” Doberman has to have ears that are sticking straight up so they have to go through a “straightening” process. l won’t go into the details of the process involved because of space but just let me say, “It does work.” In order for the pig to fly its ears have to be large enough to give it “lift”. To do this we will need larger ears. Ears are made of special material that can be stretched. We have all seen this although we may have been repulsed by them. What we are going to do is contrive a lightweight aluminum frame on each side of the pig that will connect to each ear and pull it out sideways. This frame will need springs to keep tension on the ears so they will be continually be pulled and stretched. To give the springs continual pressure the legs will be in a harness that automatically keeps the spring tension to its strongest. Whenever the pig runs to the pig trough, more pressure will be applied to his ears. In this way, preparing the pig for its first “takeoff” will not take long.
To make the pigs ears more effective as wings we are going to combine the techniques of the bird’s wings and the airplane’s wings. We noticed that as the pig was eating, its ears wiggled a little up and down.
This is just what we need — a little wiggling. Accomplishing this will be easy. We just keep the pig eating. Whoa now. I heard you ask how the pig could eat while it was in the air flying. Well, this is how we manage that. We just invent some “Juicy Food Gum” that tastes exactly like its real food. The flavor of this gum will last and last so the pig keeps chewing causing his ears —l mean — his wings to flap.
You see, l have it all figured out. Now as far as navigating we are going to use its tail. Since we don’t want to “lose” our pig to some DR. Luse and have it end up being in some fairy tale book, the curls in the pigs tail will always cause our flying pig to circle round and round until the gum it is chewing runs out of flavor causing the pig to quit flapping it ears,— I mean -its wings – whereupon it will settle down out of the sky into its own pig pen where it can settle in with the rest of his herd racing for the pig trough. So, you can see with just a little bit of work, pigs might just fly.